Have you been wondering where your mojo went? Are you feeling shut down and out of touch with yourself?
No judgment here. I was shut down for years. And years. (and years)
I’m not the only one! We are in the midst of an epidemic. We tirelessly give to others, while simultaneously thinking that self-care or prioritizing our own needs is selfish, so we end up unhealthy, unhappy, exhausted, resentful, self-loathing and millions of miles away from experiencing the joy of being who we truly are or celebrating the beauty inside each of us.
That inner Spark (Goddess, Beauty, Higher self – whatever you choose to call it) is there and is shining as bright as the most beautiful jewel, but it’s so deeply buried that we feel we can’t even touch it.
Most women I know go through a cycle. As kids, most of us were unapologetically ourselves. As we grow up, we start developing certain ideas about who we think we are supposed to be based on personal experience as well as what we hear from those around us. We develop negative beliefs about ourselves and we start to shut down certain parts of ourselves piece by piece. We judge ourselves and we make parts of ourselves wrong.
Then at some point, we have some sort of crisis. For me, it was a health crisis. For some, it might be a crisis in their relationship (I’ve been there, too). For others, a career crisis. It could simply be a good old fashioned mid-life crisis where we question and doubt everything in our lives. It could simply be that we feel out of touch with our purpose, out of sync or just “off” somehow, or just plain unhappy.
This crisis is a door opening: It’s an invitation for you to come home to yourself.
The good news is that women are having a Renaissance right now. It’s our time to deeply reconnect to the parts of ourselves that have gone missing.
Before I came home to myself, I was so shut down that I didn’t know who I was anymore and I had no connection to myself: to my body, to my higher, divine self, and to my feelings and emotions. It wasn’t even on my radar that I needed a connection to myself, that’s how bad it was. 🙂 Can you relate?
I was only aware that I needed a connection to others – to my kids, to my husband, and to my friends, and I looked to those people to fill me up and make me happy. I gave away my power to these relationships, thinking that if I gave my all, that would lead to fulfillment.
When we are unable to meet our own needs, all areas of our lives suffer and we give our power away.
I’ll never forget the moment I realized that I had given my power over to my husband. We had been married 14 years, and it finally hit home: I depended on him to create my happiness. I had been swept away by the Disney fairy tales of “happily ever after.” I had been unhappy and out of touch with myself, and rather than focus on what I could be doing to improve myself, I had subconsciously been waiting around for him to fix the problem.
The worst part? My sweetie hadn’t signed up for this! He signed up to marry an individual, me. A unique person who brought her own self to the partnership. Somewhere along the line, after kids and years of marriage, I had decided that it was my job to take care of everyone, and it was his job to make sure that I was happy.
I didn’t do this consciously, of course. It was simply part of what we have been culturally designed to believe as we grow up.
When this realization hit, I welled up in tears with tremendous compassion for my husband, and grief for the power I had given away. I realized that I had set my husband up for total failure. I had been expecting him to read my mind and meet my needs. I had hoped he would discover what my desires were and help me create my fantasy life because I was so disconnected from myself that I didn’t even know what I wanted. And when he didn’t meet the needs that I didn’t know how to communicate to him, well, there was a very unhappy wife to come home to. Poor guy.
The greatest gift I ever gave my husband was reconnecting to myself. I learned how to love myself, take care of myself, and prioritize myself. We’ve now been married 16 years, and this last year has been one of the happiest and most connected we’ve shared. I can now give even more to him because I give to myself. A few weeks ago, he even thanked me for taking the time I needed to discover this lost connection because it has enhance our marriage so much. We are both so much happier and we both enjoy me that much more!
Have you lost touch?
- With your body?
- With your desires?
- With your emotions?
- With your spiritual practice?
- With your higher self?
- With your goals?
- With your dreams?
- With your independence?
- With your sense of self?
If the answer is yes, I invite you to look at this as your invitation. It’s time to reconnect more deeply to who you are: mind, body and spirit.
When I first met one of my clients, Emiliya, I related to where she was immediately. She had lost her connection to herself, just as I had years ago.
Emiliya writes, “I felt like I had lost my own identity while trying to please and help everyone around me.”
Emiliya’s story is inspirational because she said YES to her invitation to come home to herself. After saying, “Yes” to her invitation, she writes,
relaxation and enjoyment in order to achieve a more peaceful and healthy mindset, which has helped me develop a higher personal power and self-confidence. Overall, I have learned multiple tools to manage my emotions, extremely necessary for creating a more productive, happy and greatly fulfilling life. I find myself learning effortlessly and growing spiritually in an absolutely remarkable manner.”
3 Tips to Reconnect With Your Divine Self:
1. Celebrate Yourself: Step One on the journey to self-love is to take actions that prove to yourself that you matter. Self-worth and self-love are at an all-time low and it’s time to change that. Simply taking one single action that honors YOU is a huge step forward. What is one small thing you could do to reclaim a piece of yourself? Perhaps it’s rekindling a hobby? Making time to go out with your friends? Giving yourself a wink in the mirror while giving yourself a compliment? Think about doing one small thing to show yourself that you matter, then do it! Let me know when you do!
2. Take Back Your Power: Many of us are leaking our power all over the place. This leads to depression, resentment, anxiety and self-sabotage. We are not used to asking for what we want or meeting our own needs, so we need practice. Step one of reclaiming your power is to simply acknowledge where you are giving it away! So ask yourself, where are you giving your power away? Are you expecting other people to take care of you? Are you expecting other people to make you happy? What is one small thing you can do to claim your power? Simply deciding that you are ready to set a boundary with someone or something is an act of taking your power back. Taking action on it is even better!
3. Reclaim Your Relationship With Your Body: What is your relationship with your body? Is it loving? Do you care for it? Has it been neglected or judged? If you are noticing a negative relationship with your body, it’s time to change that! And let’s face it, do you know a single woman who really, truly loves herself and her body? Life is just too short to live in conflict with our body. It is our divine vessel while we are here on earth. We are amazing, and it’s time to acknowledge this and put an end to the self-hatred. What is one small step you could take to improve that relationship so you can start healing this relationship? Here are a couple of ideas to get you started:
- Choose one part of your body to compliment or send love to.
- Ask your body what she wants more of. Is it movement? Healthy food? Compliments? Rest? Honor her needs by asking her what would make her happy.
As always, I would love to hear from you, so please comment to let me know your thoughts and take-aways.
If you’d like to talk more about rekindling your lost relationship with yourself, click here to schedule a free 30-minute session with me. I’d love to connect!
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